


chanson des frères

by Rethira



Category: Tales of Xillia 2
Genre: M/M, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 04:51:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2216469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rethira/pseuds/Rethira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s okay,” Julius is saying. “It’s okay, Ludger. I’ll make it okay.”</p><p><i>How</i>, Ludger wants to ask, <i>how?</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	chanson des frères

**Author's Note:**

  * For [diarahan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/diarahan/gifts).



> please enjoy this depressing porn with its pretentious french title

Whenever Ludger gets nightmares, Julius climbs into bed beside him and hums Ludger back to sleep - he's been doing it since Ludger was tiny, and they just never grew out of it. Maybe it's a bit strange to hug your adult brother back to sleep, but well, Julius is a soft touch when it comes to Ludger, and it’s never been weird for them.

Tonight, Ludger hadn't even woken up; Rollo had been disturbed by Ludger thrashing, and come to wake up Julius - or possibly just sleep next to Julius, it was hard to tell with cats sometimes - and then hadn't followed Julius to Ludger's room. Honestly, Julius isn't even thinking when he gets in beside his brother, and Ludger calms almost immediately when Julius starts humming the song.

He must fall asleep there, because when Julius wakes up he's pressed against Ludger's back, one arm draped over Ludger's waist.

It takes him a few seconds to work out what woke him - not Rollo, who's probably taken over Julius' bed by now, and not the alarm and not the sun rising. But then Julius shifts just slightly and _oh_.

He should. He should leave. Get out of bed - Ludger probably doesn't even know he's here, he always did sleep deeply when Julius was around. He should go. He should go and pretend this never happened.

But instead, Julius just lies there, staring at the back of Ludger's head, and can't bring himself to move. It's warm and- and Ludger is- Ludger....

Ludger moves a little, and the contact is almost more than Julius can take - his hips jerk, once, and it feels obscenely good, and Julius can't even claim that this is the first time this has happened. That this is the first time he's been so hard because of Ludger. Can't even pretend that his body thinks it's just a woman or another man he's brought home - even the thought that Ludger might wake up, might realise that Julius is- well. It doesn't do _anything_ to calm him down. It actually even makes it a bit worse, and Julius has to fight to keep his breath even.

 _Sorry_ , Julius thinks, shuddering and slowly trying to shift away. _Sorry, little brother_.

And that's when Ludger wakes up.

 

The dream was one of those ones that Ludger never, ever wants anyone to know about – weird and kind of confusing, but it felt really good, and he’s- well, there’s a situation in his pants. Ludger isn’t even very surprised – the dream had been... intense. And maybe he’s distracted or still sort of sleepy, but it takes Ludger a moment to realise that the arm around his waist hadn’t been there last night, and then another couple of moments after _that_ for him to realise that it’s probably Julius.

He’s in bed with Julius and he has an erection.

Ludger groans and tries to bury his face in his pillow. There’s no _way_ he can get out of bed without waking Julius, and he’d probably notice – Ludger can feel his face going red just imagining it. And then there’d probably be _years_ of teasing – “Well, at least I know you’ve become a man now,” Julius would probably say, or, “Wow, little Ludger sure is coming along nicely.” The entire rest of Ludger’s life, reduced to that one time he had-

No. Getting out of bed is not an option. And waking Julius up at all isn’t an option, because Julius would probably take revenge for being woken up by tickling Ludger or something, and that would- well, he’d be even _more_ likely to notice if that happened.

Maybe Rollo? If Rollo wanted feeding, Julius would probably get up to do it. Or he might just elbow Ludger and say, “He’s your cat,” but either way he might not notice. But Ludger can’t see Rollo around, and he can’t feel him on the bed, so that probably means he’s stolen Julius’ bed, and they won’t see him until the sun rises.

A squint in the direction of the window proves that the sun doesn’t look like it’s going to rise any time soon.

So that’s it. He’s trapped. Stuck in bed, half pressed against his brother, and uncomfortably aroused.

And there’s nothing he can do about it.

Well. Maybe one thing. And he shouldn’t even think about that but now he has and- and-

And Julius is only lying _inches_ away, but Ludger’s erection is well, being very insistent and now he’s thought of it- Ludger shudders a little, turning his head more into his pillow.

He shouldn’t, but....

 

Julius doesn’t think he breathes for the first few seconds Ludger’s awake. But then Ludger freezes and Julius thinks, _this is it, he’s realised_ , but Ludger doesn’t do anything. He shifts a little, moving further away – a relief and a nightmare at the same time – and groans into his own pillow, but Ludger doesn’t roll over or get out of bed. He just lies there, his breath coming _almost_ but not quite evenly, like he’s trying to feign sleep.

He doesn’t know that Julius is awake. He doesn’t know that Julius is-

He doesn’t know. He can’t know. Because if he knew-

If he knew he’d be leaving right now.

And just the thought of _that_ is finally enough to put a damper on things. Thank Maxwell.

Except then Ludger moves again – slowly, carefully, he touches Julius’ hand and just pauses.

Very, very softly, Ludger asks, “Julius?”

When Julius doesn’t reply, Ludger moves his hand again, and this time Julius can feel the shifting of Ludger’s pyjamas, the waistband just brushing his fingertips.

The second Julius realises what Ludger’s doing, it feels like his brain short circuits.

Ludger’s- _Ludger’s_ \- he’s _touching himself_.

Any thoughts of calming down leave Julius’ head immediately. Ludger’s hand moves a bit more firmly – his arm brushes the back of Julius’ hand, and it takes _everything_ , every single last scrap of willpower Julius has, _not_ to just grab Ludger’s hand and do it himself.

He’s not loud. He’s very quiet, actually. Tiny hitches in his breath give him away. He turns, just a little, to muffle louder noises in his pillow. Julius could roll Ludger back over, and muffle those noises with his mouth. He could make Ludger cry out louder – call his _name_ , make Ludger _shout_ -

Ludger jerks, and the movement presses him back against Julius’ front.

And Julius can pinpoint the exact second that Ludger realises exactly what he’s feeling, because he goes completely and utterly still.

 

This is so bad. This is awful of him – he’s not going to be able to look Julius in the face for _weeks_ , maybe even months. And Julius will be upset and confused, and Ludger won’t be able to say why he can’t look at him and- and-

It feels so good.

It always feels good, but this. This feels so good. It’s so wrong, but-

Julius is behind him. And the thought that he could wake up any second now doesn’t make Ludger stop, it just makes him move his hand faster. It’s so thrilling Ludger has to muffle a moan in his pillow, and he scrunches his eyes shut and thinks, _Julius would hate me if he knew_ , and has to bite back a whine.

He jolts, and for a brief moment he’s pressed solidly against Julius’ front and-

Ludger freezes.

That’s Julius – that’s Julius’. That’s Julius’-

Ludger grits his teeth so hard it hurts, and his hand moves just once again and Ludger can’t help it, he can’t hold back, it’s too much, it’s way, way too much-

“ _Julius_ ,” he whimpers, and even to his own ears he sounds wrecked.

Vaguely, he really hopes that Julius wasn’t awake to hear that.

 

Julius has self-control. He has self-control. He can and will resist – even though Ludger’s-

“ _Julius_ ,” Ludger says, and in that second any self-control Julius had evaporates. He takes one steadying breath and then rolls Ludger over – looks just long enough to see the surprise and dawning horror on Ludger’s face before he covers Ludger’s mouth with his own.

He pauses to murmur, “Sorry, Ludger,” and then kisses him again, and it’s everything he never should have thought of in the first place. So easy to twine his fingers with Ludger’s and pin them to the bed, so easy to lean over Ludger, lie on top of him and press eagerly against Ludger’s trembling thigh.

Ludger manages to gasp, “Julius,” again, but suddenly hearing his name on Ludger’s lips is torture, so he kisses Ludger again to keep him quiet and thinks, _after this, I’ll leave. I’ll leave and never come back if you want. You’ll never have to see me again. Just- just this once, let me- let me, please, Ludger_.

He says it, says, “Just let me, _please_ ,” but drags himself against Ludger’s thigh, and it’s not even skin to skin contact but it’s enough, it’s more than enough.

Ludger says, “ _Yes_ , Julius,” but Julius can barely hear it over the rushing in his head.

He kisses Ludger again, only stopping to crush Ludger to his chest instead, shaking as his orgasm burns through him. He pants into the crook of Ludger’s neck, eyes closed, while his hips make a final few abortive thrusts against Ludger’s leg.

“Sorry,” Julius murmurs. His voice is too loud. “I’m so sorry.”

 

For a second, Ludger’s horrified.

But then Julius’ mouth is pressed against his own, for just a second or two before he says, “Sorry, Ludger,” and then he kisses Ludger again. Ludger gasps and his eyes flutter shut, and Julius gathers his hands over his head, and the hard line of Julius’ dick is pressed against Ludger’s thigh, and he isn’t really sure what’s happening anymore but Julius-

“Julius,” he says out loud, and Julius kisses him again, aggressive, and he’s riding Ludger’s thigh- his _brother_ is pressing himself- _Julius_ is-

“Just let me, _please_ ,” Julius says into the crook of Ludger’s throat.

And Ludger’s never been able to deny Julius anything before, so he says, “ _Yes_ , Julius,” just before Julius breaks apart.

He keeps saying _sorry_. Quietly, against Ludger’s neck, and he can feel every time Julius’ lips move, and he’s just saying sorry, over and over again, and he’s shaking, Julius is _shaking_ and that’s, that’s just not right.

Slowly, Ludger wraps his arms around his brother’s shoulders and tugs Julius down. Julius lets out a great shuddering breath, and he wraps Ludger up in his arms too, clinging so tight – when was the last time Julius hugged him like this? That time he ran away, maybe, and Julius had hugged him so tight and said, “Never do that again, Ludger, never ever do that again, _please_.”

“It’s okay,” Julius is saying. “It’s okay, Ludger. I’ll make it okay.”

 _How_ , Ludger wants to ask, _how?_

But he can’t seem to find his voice, and maybe they’re both shaking now, and he just- he just wants to hold onto Julius, he just wants Julius.

“Shhh,” Julius whispers, and he’s stroking Ludger’s hair, brushing it aside and kissing his forehead. “Just go back to sleep, Ludger. Just sleep now.” He starts to hum, and Ludger finds himself relaxing. Julius laughs – it doesn’t sound quite right. “That’s it,” Julius murmurs.

Just sleep. Just sleep now.

 

It doesn’t take Ludger long to go back to sleep, but then, he always relaxes to that song. Julius is shaking as he peels himself off of Ludger – their pyjamas stick unpleasantly together and it’s a reminder of what he’s done. A reminder he doesn’t need- neither of them need. He should. He should wash.

There’s a washcloth in the bathroom – he cleans himself up, and then creeps back into Ludger’s room and washes him off too. It’s not going to be enough. Nothing will _ever_ be enough.

Ludger frowns in his sleep, rolling over and curling up, and Julius has to look away. He doesn’t even deserve to look at Ludger anymore.

Rollo blinks sleepily up at him when Julius comes back to his room – he’s just a cat. A smart cat, but still a cat, and he can’t know what Julius has done. Even if he did, he’ll never understand.

“He’ll never forgive me, will he, Rollo?” Julius asks. Rollo just meows, and watches while Julius gets dressed. He follows Julius out into the kitchen, and stares pointedly at his food bowl until Julius feeds him.

Eventually, Julius sits down and writes a letter.

He won’t be here when Ludger wakes up. It’s better this way.

 

It isn’t until a month later that Ludger figures out Julius is still paying all his bills. The landlady says Julius sent her the rent for the next six months, and Ludger can barely rack up any outstanding payments before Julius pays them off – he doesn’t even know _how_ Julius does it, he just does.

Spirius won’t tell Ludger where Julius is. They stopped answering his calls after the first week, and every time he goes to the front desk, the receptionist just calls security to escort him out of the building and- he wants to see Julius, but he doesn’t want to make a scene. Anyway, before they stopped taking his calls, they’d said Julius was on classified business outside of Trigleph, so making a scene in the building probably wouldn’t even work.

It’s not the same without him. Ludger just sits in their- _his_ apartment, and doesn’t do anything. What’s the point? Julius pays for everything, even though he’s probably nowhere near Trigleph, and- well, it’s never been Ludger looking for Julius before. It’s always been Julius looking for him. Ludger doesn’t even know where to start.

He just wants to see Julius again.

That’s all he wants.

 

These are the letters Julius hasn’t sent.

_Dear Ludger,_

_I’m sorry. I know I can never say it enough, but I am. I’m so sorry. If you ever need anything, please leave a message for me at Spirius, and I’ll do whatever I can to help._

_~~I love you.~~ _

_Julius Will Kresnik_

_Ludger,_

_I can’t come home yet. I don’t know when I will._

_~~I love you.~~ _

_Julius Will Kresnik_

_Dear Ludger,_

_I’ve seen a lot of cats on my travels. I’m sure you’d love them all. How’s Rollo doing?_

_Hope you’re both keeping well. ~~I love you.~~_

_Julius Will Kresnik_

_I’m sorry Ludger. I...._

_~~I love you.~~ _

_Julius Will Kresnik_

_Last night I thought of you. Of what I did. You were- you_ are _magnificent, Ludger. I’m proud of you._

_I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I hope you won’t hate me._

_I’m sorry. ~~I love you.~~_

_Julius Will Kresnik_

 

He knows it’s a dream because Julius is there.

He’s humming their song, and smiling. Julius always did have a gentle smile. But his eyes look sad; he stops humming and cups Ludger’s chin, and his lips shape the words _I’m sorry_ , and Ludger’s lost in heat and touch- it’s Julius touching him, he’s sure of it. Julius’ hands on his hips, Julius’ lips on his throat, Julius pressed tight against him.

Ludger wakes up cold and hard, and he brings himself off to the memory of Julius saying, “It’s okay, Ludger. I’ll make it okay.”

“Julius,” Ludger sighs. No-one answers.

 

In the end, it’s an accident.

Julius later finds out that Ludger was there for a job interview – boredom had set in, and everywhere he went in Trigleph reminded him of Julius, so he’d been looking for work further afield. In this case, Duval.

And coincidentally, Julius had also been in Duval.

He doesn’t notice Ludger at first, and Ludger never can say what caught his eye, but as soon as he recognised the white jacket, Ludger had forgotten all about his interview and shot across the station, almost knocking several people over as he chased after him. It was the cries from behind that made Julius turn, and as soon as he did he locked eyes with Ludger and-

Perhaps it wasn’t very dignified, running from his little brother like that, but Julius can probably be forgiven for that.

Ludger only catches up when Julius makes the mistake of heading out of the town – a stray monster bolts in front of him, and Julius pulls up short just in time for Ludger to slam into him. They both go down in front of the monster, and it’s so startled that it runs off again, leaving them both lying in the dirt.

“ _Julius_ ,” Ludger says, and he sounds _relieved_.

“Let me up,” Julius says.

Ludger shakes his head and moves to sit firmly on Julius. He can’t know what this position looks like. He can’t.

“Ludger,” Julius says, a bit desperately.

“You’ll just run again,” Ludger says, and he’s right but-

“It’s for the best,” Julius says, looking away from Ludger. “You’ll be better off if... if I’m not around.”

Ludger grabs the lapels of Julius’ jacket and drags him up so fast their heads almost knock together. “You don’t get to decide that!” Ludger cries, and then he wraps his arms around Julius’ shoulders and hugs him.

He’s crying, Julius realises. He’s made his little brother cry. He’s made _Ludger_ cry.

It’s instinct to hug Ludger back, instinct to murmur soothing nonsense into Ludger’s ear. Instinct to stroke his hair and hum a little, until Ludger’s sobs turn into sniffles, and his full body shudders turn into tiny little trembles.

“There we go,” Julius murmurs, “that’s better. No more tears, hm?”

Ludger sniffs loudly. In a very small voice he says, “Don’t leave me again.”

There’s no way Julius can say no to _that_. “Okay,” he murmurs, and then he takes Ludger home.

 

It’s still not the same. That night hangs in the air between them, and Ludger’s routine has grown around Julius’ absence. He buys food for one, cooks meals for one – and now there’s Julius, back again, and suddenly he doesn’t fit.

He doesn’t leave though, except for work, and even then he’s only gone for hours at a time. He calls Ludger too, more than he ever has before, and it’s....

It’s better than him not calling at all. It’s better than him not being there at all.

It’s better, even if Ludger sometimes catches Julius looking at him like- like just seeing Ludger makes Julius’ heart break. Even if Julius doesn’t touch him anymore; once, Julius reached out like he was going to ruffle Ludger’s hair, and then he stopped short and his hand hung in the air before Julius turned away and said he was going out.

It’s better than not having Julius at all, but it’s still not _right_.

And Ludger doesn’t know how to fix it.

 

Rollo wakes Julius up, and Ludger is thrashing and sobbing in his sleep, blankets tangled around him and Julius just freezes for a moment or two.

He shakes Ludger awake. It’s the most he’s touched Ludger since he came back, and the second Ludger opens his eyes, Julius moves away.

“You were having a nightmare,” he says, softly. Ludger blinks a few times, and then his face crumples and he rolls over to face the window. “You want to talk about it?” Julius asks.

Ludger shakes his head but says, “You were gone again.”

Julius sighs and sits on the bed. “Hey, none of that now. I’m right here.”

Ludger mumbles, “It’s not the same. You won’t touch me, you won’t talk to me – you barely even _look_ at me.”

It’s all true, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when Ludger says it. “You know why that is, Ludger,” Julius says.

“No-”

Julius turns Ludger over and it’s- it’s too much like that night. Ludger looks just like he did before, surprised and horrified, and his eyes look a little red too, and Julius hates himself so much. “You do know why,” Julius says, hands dropping away from Ludger’s shoulders. “I shouldn’t be around you anymore.”

Ludger shakes his head emphatically. “I don’t!”

Did he forget? Did he pretend it never happened? Which would hurt more, Julius wonders, telling Ludger that Julius- well, did what he did, or evading the question entirely?

Julius sighs heavily and turns away. “I could hurt you again- you remember, right? You remember what I did to you?”

“That- that wasn’t your fault!” Ludger says.

“Wasn’t my fault? Ludger I- I _used_ you, I-”

Ludger sits up and grabs Julius’ shoulder, turning him around. “You wouldn’t have done anything if I hadn’t-”

“ _No_ ,” Julius snarls, and he’s shoving Ludger down on the bed. “It wasn’t _your_ fault. You didn’t do _anything_. I’m the one who- I’m the one who used you.”

For a moment, they just stare at each other in the half-light of Ludger’s room. Then, very slowly, Ludger’s hands come up to Julius’ cheeks. “You’re crying,” he says, quietly.

“Don’t-”

“Please don’t cry, Julius,” Ludger murmurs, and it looks like he’s about to start crying too. “I... I’ll always love you.”

“You can’t say that,” Julius replies, shaking. “Don’t say that to me.”

“I love you,” Ludger repeats, and then his lips press briefly against Julius’.

And, for the second time, Julius’ resolve snaps.

 

It’s a little like last time – it feels like Julius is everywhere. His kiss is- it’s- it makes Ludger squirm, it’s not just a dry press of lips against lips, it’s-

It’s Julius. Leaning over Ludger, pinning him in place, and vaguely Ludger thinks he should be worried or scared, but this is _Julius_ and it just feels _safe_. Safe to have Julius tilting Ludger’s head, moving to deepen the kiss, safe to have Julius’ leg easing between his, safe to have Julius tangling their fingers together.

“Don’t stop,” Ludger says, when Julius leans briefly away, panting. “Julius-”

Julius’ eyes look tortured when Ludger meets them, and his voice sounds terrible when he pleads, “Forgive me.”

He doesn’t give Ludger the chance to say anything in response – Ludger’s eyes flutter shut when Julius kisses him, and his hips jerk upwards when Julius settles more fully over him. Julius pulls back with a hiss, his glasses askew, and he shakes when Ludger reaches up to take them off.

“I’m sorry,” Julius murmurs again, dipping his head to Ludger’s shoulder. “Sorry, Ludger.”

Ludger’s hands settle on Julius’ waist – they’re both hard, and they’re both shaking. Ludger shifts a little, drawing Julius into a hug. Julius huffs softly, and kisses the side of Ludger’s throat. “I love you,” Ludger says softly. “You don’t have to apologise.”

Julius laughs bitterly and whispers, “Yes, I do,” before pressing a gentle kiss to Ludger’s lips.

 

Ludger shakes when Julius undresses him – it’s nothing he hasn’t seen before, nothing he hasn’t _felt_ before, but even so, it feels new. Ludger looks so pale; well he always was, and he always sunburnt fast too, but now he looks... he looks like moonlight spread across his bed. He keeps trying to roll over too, to curl up again, and his skin pinks a little when Julius won’t let him.

 _You’re beautiful_ , Julius doesn’t say, even though Ludger is. Instead he touches, and Ludger feels so good, it feels so _good_ to touch Ludger’s pale, unmarked skin. So unlike his own. He’s never going to let Ludger become like him.

“Julius,” Ludger says, softly. Sweetly. He’s looking at Julius with such wide eyes and Julius has to look away.

He mouths, “Sorry,” against Ludger’s skin, and doesn’t miss the way Ludger’s breathing picks up. He’s almost panting and he’s... well, he’s been hard for a while by the looks of things, and it makes Julius feel sick. He’s made his brother hard and he’s _glad_ about it- _glad_ that Ludger’s getting some enjoyment out of this.

“Julius,” Ludger says again, and his hips shift more pointedly.

Julius nods – he can do that, he can- he can take Ludger’s erection in his mouth, and he can hold Ludger’s hips down so he doesn’t choke. He can make Ludger sob and shake beneath him. It’s all for Ludger. And if he _likes_ sucking his brother off, if he _likes_ the taste of Ludger in his mouth, well that’s for Ludger too.

Ludger cries out, his hands clutching at Julius’ head and for a moment, Julius is furious that anyone else might have seen Ludger like this. No-one else should _ever_ get to see this- Ludger like this belongs to _Julius_ , and everyone should know that.

Ludger relaxes, panting, and Julius swallows. He sits up, not meeting Ludger’s eyes, and licks his lips. Ludger makes a soft noise when he does – Julius’ eyes flick briefly to Ludger’s face, and he doesn’t know how to feel when he sees _interest_ , even _desire_ naked on Ludger’s face.

“Can I?” Ludger asks, his voice wavering a little.

Julius can’t reply past the lump in his throat; he just nods and closes his eyes when Ludger touches him. Easier not to look, easier to pretend that it isn’t- except he can’t. Ludger’s the only one that matters, Ludger’s the only one he _wants_ , and isn’t that terrible? Doesn’t that make him _disgusting_?

And he calls himself Ludger’s brother.

“Kiss me,” Ludger murmurs. Julius looks down at him. “Please?” Ludger asks.

Julius nods and gives Ludger a fleeting kiss. “Don’t hate me,” Julius murmurs.

“I could never hate you,” Ludger replies, and this time he’s the one who kisses Julius. His breath hitches a little – he can probably taste himself in Julius’ mouth. Julius shudders, and pushes Ludger back down on the bed. Ludger clutches at his shoulders, moaning softly – he breaks the kiss sharply, and his hips buck up against Julius’ stomach. “Please,” Ludger whines. He sobs when Julius grinds down against him, thrashes when Julius hauls him closer.

“Shhh,” Julius whispers, kissing Ludger’s throat. He hums a little, just a few bars, and Ludger _shakes_ , his hands clawing at Julius’ back – Julius slips a hand between them, resting his head on Ludger’s shoulder, while he pushes his pyjamas out of the way and wraps his hand around both of them. Ludger’s so hot – so good, it’s so good to wrap his hand around them both, to let Ludger buck up into his touch, and listen to Ludger pant and whine and-

“ _Julius_.”

Ludger looks so beautiful when he comes.

 

Gasping, Ludger says, “You too, Julius, you too.” But Julius shakes his head, and his hand falls away – he stares down at Ludger and he still looks heartbroken and that’s _wrong_ , Julius shouldn’t-

Julius obviously isn’t expecting Ludger to roll them over. He lands with an “Oomph,” and then gasps out loud when Ludger touches him.

“Let me,” Ludger mumbles, not waiting for Julius to reply. “Let me just-” He lowers his head and it’s weird to be looking at Julius like this, but a good kind of weird and- well Julius did this for him, so it’s only fair-

“ _Don’t_ ,” Julius says, holding Ludger’s shoulders, “don’t, Ludger, _please_.”

“But-”

Julius swallows and shakes his head. Gently, he cups Ludger’s face. “I can’t let you do that, Ludger.”

“You did it for me,” Ludger protests, leaning into Julius’ touch.

“I’m... I’m your brother,” Julius says.

Ludger turns and kisses Julius’ thigh. “I know that,” Ludger murmurs. “But I want to.”

Julius lets out a shaky breath at that, and his hand falls from Ludger’s head. He nods slowly; when Ludger licks him, Julius shakes. “Ludger,” he breathes.

It doesn’t take long.

 

Afterwards, Julius drags Ludger up the bed, kissing him again. Ludger says, “I love you,” against Julius’ lips.

“I’m sorry,” Julius replies.

He hums Ludger to sleep again.

This time, he doesn’t leave.

**Author's Note:**

> no happy ending for you


End file.
